Self Control
A story of Self Control
Self Control
It’s fourth in the list of Tae Kwon Do Tenets. But it is by no means the fourth most important. It’s one of five pillars that embody the principles of Tae Kwon Do. Knock a pillar out and the foundation becomes unstable.
Let me give you an illustration of this in my own journey. It is a memory that is among the most vivid and played a large part in shaping who I am today.
So, we’re going back about twenty-five years ago. I was in high school and I was attempting to execute the breaking technique required to achieve my fourth point (step) towards the rank of 2nd Degree Black Belt. Those of you familiar with W. Kim Tae Kwon Do and its requirements at that rank know that this technique is known as the self-hold chop.
It’s not the easiest technique and for sixteen year old me it was proving insurmountable at the time.
Back then we had a preparation class a day or two before the testing. At this class, we were given the opportunity to practice our breaking techniques. I was given the board and boom! First time! I was close enough to the wall that the top half of the board caromed off the wall making a very satisfying smack of wood on cinder block. That, coupled with the sharp crack of wood right before, had me brimming with confidence for the day of testing.
This also happened to be the second testing where I was attempting it. So my relief was palpable.
Fast forward to the breaking portion of testing and there I was standing in the proper stance, staring at the unbroken board with visible fury distorting my face.
Usually if there is a failed attempt on a board break like this, there is some pain that accompanies the striking body part. Not for me. Not that day. I was just so angry! Why wouldn’t it break? The fact that I had been successful two days before was gone from my mind.
I don’t remember how many times I attempted it that day but I did finally succeed in breaking the board. I remember the instance of shock right before relief flooded me, washing away every vestige of anger.
There were pats on the back and high fives all around. One of my fellow black belts who was maybe ten years my senior described it as if it happened in slow motion. Half of the board had spiraled up and away over my head before landing on the mat. I still treasure that memory to this day.
But this is about self control. I clearly wasn’t in control. There were a couple comments directly afterwards about how I used my anger to break the board and in that moment I felt justified.
Then came the end of testing.
Back then W. Kim wasn’t nearly as big as it is today. I can’t accurately say how many students there were but most of the senior black belts were at every testing. We would also routinely have guest masters attend, judge and grade us on our performance.
Towards the end of testing, I was called up in front of the judges. Great Grandmaster Kim, Grandmaster Kim, and at least two other guest masters. My memory is a little fuzzy on all of the guests - I couldn’t tell you everyone who was there, but the memory of one grandmaster is crystal clear.
He proceeded to ask me why I had gotten so angry during my board breaking. I don’t remember what I said back to him, if I said anything, but then he proceeded to tell me a story.
It hadn’t been too long after he moved here from South Korea. He was driving his car, basically minding his own business, when he heard another car honking. He looked around and saw the driver of another car waving at him.
So, he smiled and waved back. The problem was that the other driver wasn’t exactly waving at him.
You have to understand that sixteen-year-old me proceeded to be mortified at this grandmaster who was demonstrating how the other driver was waving by essentially flipping off the entire testing.
He said that he just smiled and waved back again. (Albeit, he wasn’t waving in the same manner as the other driver.)
“This means nothing to me.” He said. “I don’t know what this means.”
It took a moment for me to register what he was saying. Sixteen years of American culture had instilled in me that what he was doing was offensive. But it wasn't necessarily offensive to him.
The utter shock and disbelief almost clouded what he had to say to say next. But I got the message.
I needed to demonstrate control over myself. Even if he had known what the hand gesture meant, he could still control the way he reacted. The other driver wasn’t trying to harm him or threaten him.
Neither was the board I had broken. In hindsight it seems ridiculous now, especially since I hadn’t been angry at myself. All my anger had been directed at the inanimate piece of wood.
I’ve had many breaking failures since then, but I can happily report that I never acted in the same manner I did that day.
What about you? Can you think of a time you acted out of anger or frustration and should have instead employed better self-control? While your experience was probably different than mine, I hope you learned from that experience.
